The First Signs

"He hears what he wants to hear."

"He has selective hearing."

I've heard quite a few women make these kinds of remarks, especially about their spouses. My mom was no exception. If Dad was engrossed in one of his favorite sports telecasts, she was probably right. However...

Two or three years before my dad died, when Mom would complain about Dad's selective hearing, I found myself thinking But sometimes you're worse than he is. I remember feeling frustration when I'd be telling her something and before long I'd realize that she wasn't listening.  It really got to me when she'd ask me a question, and while I was answering it she'd walk away. With annoyance I'd say to myself, "I can't believe you're being so rude. Why did you ask if you weren't going to listen to the answer?" Sometimes these conversations took place while we were preparing a meal so I shoved my irritation aside thinking Mom was just preoccupied with the tasks at hand.

Years later, after doing research into anticholinergic medications it hit me. It wasn't rudeness at all. It was a side effect of the Paxil (Paroxetine). The timing was right. She hadn't always been that way. These behaviors were something new. Anticholinergic drugs can cause inattentiveness and distractibility - among a host of other side effects of which Mom has experienced quite a few.

If we had only known then what we know now, things could be different. When these signs first appeared, Mom maybe could have gotten weaned off the Paxil more easily since she hadn't been on it all that long. Her memory and cognitive abilities may not have deteriorated to where they are now.

We can't undo the past. We need to focus on the present and plan for the future. That will involve more research and above all, more prayer. I haven't given up hope that God will provide a way for Mom to be set free from the shackles of Paxil.